Saturday, June 12, 2010

Oil and Water



Kobe is heating up. His shots are falling from Staples Center's domed atmosphere like rain, becoming ice under the feet of the Celtics' slipping resolve. It's gametime. The NBA Finals. So much of the world is watching. I'm watching, adjacent to three of my friends inside Buffalo Wild Wings.

Adjacent to the TV showing the game is a TV airing CNN, which is showing a number of birds adjacent to each other. White birds. All looking like unfinished bronze figurines. How much of the world is watching? I'm watching. Like a four-eyed alien, I'm watching both screens with the focus of a Cyclops.

The Lakers are slaughtering the Celtics by almost twenty points now and it's getting ridiculous. Is this game rigged? Who brought rigs to the game? Nature is getting slaughtered right now and it's been ridiculous.


Saturday, May 29, 2010

German Chocolate Cake





I'm incomplete. Fragmented. I'm a mixed message. No good.


I'm 1 cup short on flour.


½ cup too much brown sugar and ¾ cup too little granulated.


2 eggs too many.


3 teaspoons of salt?!?


You haven't been paying attention. Distracted by this and by that.


Yet all the while I've been looking at you. With my Hershey kiss eyes.


Waiting for you to fix me. Finish me. Make me yours again.


With my Hershey kiss eyes. Pointed angry. Left alone and concealed.


Under this large Rubbermaid lid. Misshapen and melting in my own emotions.


This chocolate frosting over me undermines my coconut pecan filling.


Feeling still nuts for you though you drive me nuts. Make me yours again.


I'm going stale mate.





Friday, May 21, 2010

Fourth Meal



Work. Play. Sleep: the consumptions of the day. To dream and to be cognizant of doing so is excess. Some dream with gluttonous regularity while others suffer from anorexia.


I lay in bed half naked, fully sweaty, ribs visible. A smell of carne y amor came into my room like some perverse union of Taco Bell and a heart-shaped box of Godiva chocolate.


In the darkness I fondled an envelope. It had a letter from her. Two, actually, as if she was attempting to make up for lost time. Lost questions. Lost answers. Lost time. Lost paradise.


I glanced at the back of the first letter. Saw words that are meant to be meant. Words that have meaning to me. Heart-shape was almost in my mouth. The perversion was almost overwhelming.


Instinctively, I put the letter back in the envelope, folded it like a Burrito Supreme, and ran for the border of my dream like a skeletal lost soul during El Día de los Muertos.





Friday, May 14, 2010

The Moon is a Harsh Mistress


I walked the silent cement strip aptly lit by the marigold-bulbed lights that were just budding in the wake of the last ray-shower of the sun. The lights, which dominated the right side of the sidewalk, were superseded only by the endless alignment of hotels, which resembled the last stretch of a classic Monopoly board—starting at Pacific Avenue and ending at Boardwalk. The left side of the sidewalk offered nothing but railing and the boardwalk itself—a useless commodity, especially at night, when the elongated wooden expanse serves only as a plank over the abyss of the sea.

The ocean is cryptic enough during the day, but by night the depths of its fathoms cannot be fathomed by the mind's eye alone. This is where other senses take precedent: the subtle white noise crashing of the tide; the recurring refreshing smell jettisoning thereof, despite the historical stench of the Atlantic; the goosebump-inducing gale that reminds of mid-spring—all orchestrated by the moon, which, upon the night of my arrival, was full of herself.

She rose red. The red of a rose. The red of a heart logo that strengthens the claim that Virginia is for Lovers. She was a sunken red beacon, and as she rose to the top of her invisible lighthouse, all were gravitated to her: waves. Seagulls. People. Even the facades of the hotels had a slight blush to them.

***

She rose red. The color of my ire the next night when I came prepared with my camera to capture the awe of the previous evening. I waited and waited, past an hour whence the moon seduced me the night before. Dejected and exasperated, I scuffled back to my hotel room, only to look out the window to find that the moon had risen behind my back—for another man who had more patience than I. The moon isn't my mistress. She's more like an ex-wife.



Saturday, April 24, 2010

Just Words: Chemistry





Relationships are elemental. Some have few stable isotopes, if any, and they decay according to their short half-lives. Others are as stable as Tin, Xenon, or Cadmium. Yet even these elements have a number of unstable isotopes.


Tara is a kindred spirit: a wise mind, a wizened soul, and a back that carries too many burdens. It warms my heart to see Tara smile, and whenever Jeanene used to make her rounds at work, such a reaction was inevitable. They were best friends, even after Jeanene got fired because her mental instabilities caused her to be missing in action too many times.


Tara began to take off days to help Jeanene; eventually they were taken to help herself. “Good morning” lost its compound. After a while, her tears lost the spontaneity of their combustion. Carbon monoxide began to cloud the back hallway even more than usual.


Jeanene is far worse off. Five or six months later and she still hasn't found a job. On many occasions she can't even find herself, as Tara has gone out of her way many times by driving around the county to find her at all hours of the night. Her boyfriend owes her money because he's a crystal meth addict and she has taken to puffing air out of cans. Her mother has had to call the cops on her numerous times.


Tara, despondent, has resigned to the accelerated decay. She says she can't do it anymore, and, earlier this week, frankly stated that Jeanene is going to die. A part of my heart went out to my kindred spirit. I wanted to draw her near—and while I would feel nothing from the hug just as I haven't for years, I wanted her to absorb the compassion, the reassurance, the inner warmth blocked within me. Like water to dry ice, I wanted her to cry on my shoulder to expedite the process of commiseration through sublimation, creating a temporary, smoky union of weary souls.



Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Just Words: Death





I stepped into the doorway and saw my mother's small frame sprawled on the chaise with a book in her hand and a Bible at her feet. It seemed like Day 7 of the same, without rest. I wondered if she had any lungs left to cough out or any brains left to sneeze out. Selfishly, I wondered when I'd get a good night's sleep sans the violent symphony of her sickness.


She turned to me before I ascended the stairs, hood over her head, and said: “I talked to your grandmother today. Uncle Matthew died.”


He was 82 and the only family Nana had over on the west coast. For years, he had been calling her every morning to touch base. Apparently it grated on her at times. She was supposed to get together with him on Saturday, but she called him on Friday night to cancel, because she was exhausted from the day's proceedings.


She didn't hear from him Saturday morning.


She didn't hear from him Sunday morning.


She called him Sunday morning before she went to church.


She called him Sunday afternoon after she returned from church.


She went to his apartment complex to check on him.


She came back with a man with a key to check on him.


Uncle Matthew was lying in his bed, glasses on, all dressed up with nowhere to go. In his wake, he left years of his prized collected novelties. Everything. Everything. Everything. Three times to resurrect that point. Death is more cryptic and clearer than I could ever dream to be.





Saturday, April 10, 2010

Cherry Blossoms



Take center stage
As they do every spring
As they have for every spring
Since the first two plantings in 1912

One for an American
The other for a Japanese
As they have for every spring
Before the chilly bombings in 1941

One for Hiroshima
The other for Nagasaki
As they have for every spring
After Hell blossomed twice in 1945




*** 
For every spring